Baby care in the first year, how exactly does that work?

By doing this, you support your newborn in building what is known as basic trust, as well as attachment trust, in you and the people closest to your baby, and you help your child start out in the world with good self-esteem. “I am okay,” “I can confide in others,” “I am taken seriously, loved, and protected,” “Even when I’m not doing well, help will always come,” and “I am allowed! I am allowed to continue developing. I am allowed to look forward to my path in life,” “I have a right to feel well, and above all, I am allowed to try many new things and am always accompanied by good people in doing so.” Parents must convey this feeling to the child from the very beginning, and it is the most important prerequisite for a good start in life. Educators technically call this feeling “resilience.”

What exactly does resilience mean?

Resilience is therefore the feeling and strength to take on life, to learn to deal with ups and downs as well as frustration, setbacks, and difficulties, and to remain loving and positive in the process. Scientists (see technical literature below) have researched that high resilience helps one process dramas and difficulties in life better, and the most important foundation for this is laid with the very first relationship with the parents.

When can parents start raising their baby?

Upbringing can only build upon a good relationship, attachment, and the baby’s self-esteem. This means that raising a child only becomes a challenge as they get older, but it plays no role in the first year of life. In the first year of life, the relationship between baby and parents comes first, not upbringing.

Raising a baby: How do I set boundaries?

Parents should use the first “no” at the earliest the moment the baby starts crawling, pulling themselves up, or walking. However, even then, the most important thing as a parent is to ensure that you create a safe environment, always keep an eye on the child, and learn “What and where is there actual danger?” in order to eliminate that danger. The mother must learn this step together with her child. The child shows what they are currently learning, practicing, and what stage of development they are in, and the mother must learn to perceive and respect this developmental step. In the first year of life, parents should ensure that the surroundings, the environment, and the learning/experiential opportunities are tailored to the baby, and not the other way around.

Example:

Your baby keeps crawling to a certain flower pot, takes the potting soil out of the pot, and spreads it directly on your new living room rug. Say “no” to your little one once while shaking your head and finger to find out if your baby is starting to understand this “no.” If it doesn’t work and your baby continues to try to dig the potting soil out of the pot onto your living room floor, then it is better to place something in front of it so that your baby can no longer reach the flower pot.

Raising a baby: What do parents need to keep in mind during the first year?

When your baby cries and screams, there is always a reason. If you cannot find it yourself, then a visit to the pediatrician is definitely worth it. Perhaps the baby is overtired, overwhelmed at the moment, has flatulence, or has some other problem. My task as a parent is to ensure the baby is doing well and to find out why the baby is crying or screaming. In addition to the pediatrician, there are many other support measures available for this.

You should know that the stranger anxiety phase begins around the 7th month, which means your baby might also start crying more often. Before this time, it is likely not as important to your baby who holds them, but rather whether they are held comfortably and what the person’s tone of voice and facial expressions are like. With stranger anxiety, however, it becomes increasingly important who makes contact and where the familiar parents are. New people could trigger crying, resistance, or screaming in your baby during this time. This developmental step of stranger anxiety should also be respected by the parents and is completely normal and correct. It even shows the parents that the baby has succeeded in building a special relationship with them and the most important people. Babies also often scream during their first teething, even before you can see the first tooth exactly.

In summary, educators say: If parents reach their limits with a baby, those are the parents’ limits, and it is not the baby’s fault. In this case, parents must seek and initiate a change for themselves. The baby does nothing on purpose, does not provoke, and always has a need—either something to learn (exploration), physical problems, or they need help. Exploration is one of the most important fundamental prerequisites for physical, mental, and social developmental steps.
Book tip: https://www.amazon.de/Forschergeist-Windeln-Kind-Welt-begreift/dp/3492235387

I need help! Where can I get support if I need help with my baby?

When a baby cries and screams a lot, parents sometimes reach their limits. The problem with this is that one’s own agitation can be transferred to the baby’s behavior. If you feel you are reaching your limits, try to get help and stay calm. In addition to friends and family, playgroups help babies get in contact with other children early on, while at the same time allowing parents to get tips, advice, and other help from each other. There are parenting counseling centers, for example from the health department, that will take time for you and your baby if the pediatrician has no time (this used to be called the mothers' school). In children’s groups, the family center, or even in baby swimming courses, you will find distraction and baby professionals who will be happy to help you with all your questions in a calm environment. You can find baby swimming courses everywhere in Germany and certainly in your city as well. In addition, there are PEKiP programs at child and family centers. In private groups, you learn more about topics like baby massage, circle games, and much more. With such great offers, babies learn that being in a group with others is something great, and parents might even meet the perfect babysitter for the future.

Literature:

• N. Haan: Coping and defending: Processes of self-environment organization. Academic Press, New York 1977

• S. Goldberg: Social competence in infancy: a model of parent-infant interaction. In: Merrill-Palmer Quarterly. 23, 1977, pp. 163–177.

• A. Moriarty, P. Toussieng: Adolescent Coping. Grune and Stratton, New York 1976.

• L. Murphy, A. Moriarty: Vulnerability, coping and growth from infancy to adolescence. Yale University Press, New Haven, Conn. 1976.

• K. H. Nuechterlein: Competent disadvantaged children: A review of research. Doctoral thesis. University of Minnesota, 1970.

• N. Garmezy: The study of competence in children at risk for severe psychopathology. In: E. J. Anthony, C. Koupernik (eds.): The child in his family: Children at psychiatric risk. Vol. 3. Wiley, New York 1974.

• N. Garmezy, K. H. Nuechterlein: Invulnerable children: The fact and fiction of competence and disadvantage. 1972.

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